Goodbye 2008

So I feel with so many events in 2008 I must wish it a proper farewell.

A year ago today-December 31, 2007 -I was still bearing the only few days old news that I was PREGNANT! I slept all morning. I got up and went to my friend Sarah's house to get some comfort in my life changing news and then I headed off to babysit. I cried most of the night there. The kids were snug in their beds and I was alone thinking about how in 2008 I would become a mother, college drop-out, and no longer a resident of Tift county.
January 2008 was a tough month. I had more emotional breakdowns in January than I had ever had in my entire life! I had to face the fact that I was semi-alone in this new journey. I had my family and friends behind me-some more than others, but ultimately I would be doing it alone. The father didn't want to be a father-so all alone to the doctors office, hospital (even though I had family there...you see all the proud dads showing off their new son or daughter-it hurt to know that my baby's father wasn't one of those guys), and all alone in being the sole person to make decisions that could reflect the rest of my child's life. (That's a lot to take in!)
I also learned some of my family didn't agree with me "keeping" the "baby". Oh the pain my heart felt to hear those words.
There was one weekend in January 2008 that still makes me smile. Amanda and Jenn came to visit me and comfort me. It goes down as one of the happiest weekends this year.

February 2008 was another tough month. I had to move from what then called "home" back in with my parents. Quite the adjustment I might add. After being out on my own for the last 3 years- it's a lot different moving back in to a home that has a different beat and routine that you're used to. Many tears and many sleepless nights took place in February.
March 2008 doesn't stand out as bad. It was a pretty good month. I went out and had a couple of girls nights. I also began to "get a bump" and in my "own little world" was getting excited about having a baby. I also began to select options for a baby name.

April 2008 was a pretty good month. I got my tax money back, went to the lake with some friends and I also learned I was having a BOY!!! Oh what a blessed moment that was.

May 2008 doesn't stand out either. I was babysitting a good bit and really enjoying my 2nd trimester of pregnancy!
June 2008 I turned the big 22! I was a huge blimp as well! I also got the news that my Pop had bladder cancer.

July 2008 I anxiously began counting down the days till my due date. My sciatic nerve was hurting my back so bad I was over being pregnant!
August 2008 Was the shinning month of my years. August 16, 2008 I gave birth via C-section to my beautiful son Avery Lawrence Heard. Avery is my pride and joy. My life is full of so much joy because of him. My loneliness went away the day I saw is glowing face!
August 17, 2008 I was able to hold my precious angel for the first time. Words cannot describe the feeling and no feeling will ever be more special than that.

Septemeber-December 2008 These months have given me the best days of my life and some of the more heartbreaking ones as well.
It is so hard being a single mother. It's hard living with your parents while you are trying to parent your own child. It's hard not having many friends around. It's been difficult getting to know Avery's father's family-some having differences of opinion on what's best for him, along with his father. The guilt I have is so overbearing sometimes. I wish I could give my child a home with two loving parents, but that is just not the case. So I hope Avery forgives me for that someday.

Although these months leave part of my heart empty the other part of it is so enriched. My sweet Avery makes me smile everyday. He is so precious and innocent. I try to do what is best for him and I try so hard to be the best mother I can possibly be. He fills my heart and makes it beat. Without him I would be completely empty, but he gives me the "UMPH" to keep moving forward! He's my angel, blessing, miracle, and hero!

Although there were many difficult times in my life as well- my grandparents being ill and other such difficulties, however, I give thanks for so many wonderful memories!

I pray for a great outcome January 9, 2009 as my Pop has his big surgery and I hope that he recovers well and 2009 continues on and gives you all and myself another year of wonderful times!

Peace be with you all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Avery's Baptism

Avery was baptized on Sunday, November 30, 2008. We had a beautiful service and so many wonderful friends and family members there to witness this special day for Avery!

He did so well. He woke up right as we were walking to the front of the church. I am so proud of my sweet baby boy!

I am trying so hard to get back on the right path. I want my sweet angel to look back at his mommy and be proud. I strive daily to do what is best for him and to make sure he has everything he needs and more! I tell him daily how much I love him, so he never forgets. I want him to know God's grace and how much God loves him! For it it wasn't for God and my family, I wouldn't be who I am today!

Psalms 139 13-16
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.


My Rights

I have the right to dream.
I have the right to accomplish my goals.
I have the right to be a successful person.
I have the right to be strong.
I have the right to be a good mother.
I have the right to have a good job.
I have the right to my own opinion.
I have the right the love.
I have the right to live!

No one is stopping me
No one is in my way
I have no excuse
I cannot blame anyone but myself if I fail
And I can never give up!


Please Pray

Please pray for me! I previously posted that I was a strong person. Today, I am weak again. I feel like giving up and if it wasn't for my beautiful son I probably would. Thank God for him! I need a boost-I need to feel warm again.


Amazing People

So this week I have been thinking about everything I've gone through this year.

I was thinking about how sad and mad I was to leave Tifton and move back to Athens. I thought my life was over and that I would never connect back at home like before.

Sometimes I still feel alone-everybody has plans and I'm stuck at home.

However, I cannot not think about how incredible everyone has been since I've been back home.

I must first thank my parents for being so supportive during my pregnancy and now that Avery is here. I couldn't ask for better parents.

My sister has also been amazing. She is such a big help and is a great aunt to Avery.

My grandparents, well they just love Avery and that's such a blessing.

And I am so grateful for cousins, Justin & Brenna.

Justin has been a voice of reason-he makes me think about my situation and consider both sides. He's been super supportive and I am so lucky to have him live close by.

Brenna-well she's just amazing. I feel like she's the big sister I never had. I feel like I can tell her anything and she'll never judge me. She's so wonderful for keeping Avery while I'm at work and she is just a wonderful person all around!

Their two children, Brady & Bowie, brighten my day each morning when I drop Avery off and they remind me how life doesn't has to be so stressful-

All of my other family and friends have been blessings as well and I am so lucky to have them apart of my life!!!

I love you all!


To My Avery

(This is the letter I wrote Avery to put in his baby book)

Dear Avery,

The moment I knew you were inside of me I loved you with all of my heart. The first time I heard your little heart beat was the best sound my ears had heard. The first time I saw you on the ultrasound screen was the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever seen. I had never felt anything more wonderful than the first time I felt you kick.

You, my son, are my miracle. My life has purpose, meaning, and inspiration now because of you! I wish you nothing but the absolute best in your life. I want you to know what failure is, so you know how great it feels to succeed. I want you to how important your family and friends are because these are the people that will never give up on you! I want you to try for every dream you ever have because nothing my dear is impossible.

I promise to protect you with all of my strength, I promise to never give up on you. For you are my precious child and for you I will do anything.

I love you forever and always!!!

Love, Mommy



Ok I watched this video on youtube the other day and it was amazing. It's about a father who documents his son Elliott's life as he battled Trisomy 18. Yesterday this family was featured on Oprah and my heart opened completley to them. Although they knew their son was going to die they lived EVERY MINUTE with him as happily as they could. The mother told Oprah that there wasn't time to mourn Elliot while he was living that they would mourn him after he went to Jesus.

Becoming a mother just a little over 2 months ago my heart went out to this family. I truley admire their strength and courage. To see their faith in God and to use the faith to get through this tough time was so amazing. I am adding a link at the botton and hope that you watch this short video that speaks a million words!




So life just keeps getting better and better. Last week we took Avery to the pumpkin patch to pick his very first pumpkin. Although he slept the entire time, we do have pictures and proof we took him.Monday of last week I started my new job. I work for a wealth management company and I am really enjoying the job. Avery and I have gotten into a routine and thanks to Brenna (who watches Avery during the day) Avery is on a pretty solid feeding schedule!!! I miss my little pumpkin so much while I am at work, but it is nice to have "adult" time.
On Saturday we went to Miss Emma's birthday party. I cannot believe she's already 5 years old...time goes by so fast. Avery & I also went to Brenna's sisters house for a Halloween get together, although it was a LONG day, it was so nice to get out of the house and spend time with family and friends!!!

This coming up Friday the young adults group at church is getting together for a chili cook-out. I'm really looking forward to it and am so excited to dress Avery up for Halloween!!!


Let Me Catch You Up

n December 29, 2007 I found out I was pregnant. Since that day my life has changed in every way possible. I moved backed to Athens in February to be closer to my family during the pregnancy. I hated having to leave Tifton and I miss it so much, I know I am better off with my family. On April 15th, 2008 I had an ultrasound and found out I was having a boy! My mom and dad were so happy it was a boy having raised 2 daughters. All and all the pregnancy went well. However I won't lie and say it was all fun. I had major problems with my siactic nerve.

When I was about 34 weeks pregnant I went in for a routine checkup. My doctor measured my belly and noticed I was a lot bigger than I should have been at that week. I went back in at 36 weeks and had an ultrasound to see the estimated weight of the baby. It showed he was weighing about 7lbs 8oz. They told me to decide if I wanted to wait and try to go into labor on my own, have an amniocenteses to check the baby's lungs and go ahead and induce, or if I made it to 39 weeks they would induce me anyway.

Huge and miserable at this point I opted to have the amnio done. I mainly chose this option because there were risk if he got too big that the doctor had discussed with me. So on August 15th I went in for my amnio and that afternoon they told me Avery' lungs were mature enough to go ahead with the induction. That night I went into the hospital and started the process. The next day I was in labor ALL DAY!!! I was on potosin and having major contractions. I had an epidural around 3:00pm because I was in so much pain. Although I felt like I was progressing (b/c of all of the pain) I never dialated past 3cm. Around 9:30pm, Saturday, August 16, 2008 my doctor came in and told me I would have to have a C-section. Avery's heart rate started to drop and my body was just not going to dilate like it should. At 10:43pm Avery Lawrence Heard was born.

Avery had some difficulties breathing when he was born. His first night he had to have a c-pap machine and a bunch of IV's. He stayed in the NICU the entire time, but because he was just a strong boy and got to come home when I did.

Life has been so much better ever since Avery was born!!! Despite the long nights, spit-up, and piles of laundry, life as a mom is the most incredible thing that I have ever known.

Avery is 10 weeks old now and he is such a wonderful baby. He is so happy and he brightens every moment of my life!!!!