A year ago today-December 31, 2007 -I was still bearing the only few days old news that I was PREGNANT! I slept all morning. I got up and went to my friend Sarah's house to get some comfort in my life changing news and then I headed off to babysit. I cried most of the night there. The kids were snug in their beds and I was alone thinking about how in 2008 I would become a mother, college drop-out, and no longer a resident of Tift county.
January 2008 was a tough month. I had more emotional breakdowns in January than I had ever had in my entire life! I had to face the fact that I was semi-alone in this new journey. I had my family and friends behind me-some more than others, but ultimately I would be doing it alone. The father didn't want to be a father-so all alone to the doctors office, hospital (even though I had family there...you see all the proud dads showing off their new son or daughter-it hurt to know that my baby's father wasn't one of those guys), and all alone in being the sole person to make decisions that could reflect the rest of my child's life. (That's a lot to take in!)
I also learned some of my family didn't agree with me "keeping" the "baby". Oh the pain my heart felt to hear those words.
There was one weekend in January 2008 that still makes me smile. Amanda and Jenn came to visit me and comfort me. It goes down as one of the happiest weekends this year.
February 2008 was another tough month. I had to move from what then called "home" back in with my parents. Quite the adjustment I might add. After being out on my own for the last 3 years- it's a lot different moving back in to a home that has a different beat and routine that you're used to. Many tears and many sleepless nights took place in February.
March 2008 doesn't stand out as bad. It was a pretty good month. I went out and had a couple of girls nights. I also began to "get a bump" and in my "own little world" was getting excited about having a baby. I also began to select options for a baby name.
April 2008 was a pretty good month. I got my tax money back, went to the lake with some friends and I also learned I was having a BOY!!! Oh what a blessed moment that was.
May 2008 doesn't stand out either. I was babysitting a good bit and really enjoying my 2nd trimester of pregnancy!
June 2008 I turned the big 22! I was a huge blimp as well! I also got the news that my Pop had bladder cancer.
July 2008 I anxiously began counting down the days till my due date. My sciatic nerve was hurting my back so bad I was over being pregnant!
August 2008 Was the shinning month of my years. August 16, 2008 I gave birth via C-section to my beautiful son Avery Lawrence Heard. Avery is my pride and joy. My life is full of so much joy because of him. My loneliness went away the day I saw is glowing face!
August 17, 2008 I was able to hold my precious angel for the first time. Words cannot describe the feeling and no feeling will ever be more special than that.
Septemeber-December 2008 These months have given me the best days of my life and some of the more heartbreaking ones as well.
It is so hard being a single mother. It's hard living with your parents while you are trying to parent your own child. It's hard not having many friends around. It's been difficult getting to know Avery's father's family-some having differences of opinion on what's best for him, along with his father. The guilt I have is so overbearing sometimes. I wish I could give my child a home with two loving parents, but that is just not the case. So I hope Avery forgives me for that someday.
Although these months leave part of my heart empty the other part of it is so enriched. My sweet Avery makes me smile everyday. He is so precious and innocent. I try to do what is best for him and I try so hard to be the best mother I can possibly be. He fills my heart and makes it beat. Without him I would be completely empty, but he gives me the "UMPH" to keep moving forward! He's my angel, blessing, miracle, and hero!
Although there were many difficult times in my life as well- my grandparents being ill and other such difficulties, however, I give thanks for so many wonderful memories!
I pray for a great outcome January 9, 2009 as my Pop has his big surgery and I hope that he recovers well and 2009 continues on and gives you all and myself another year of wonderful times!
Peace be with you all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
