In My Heart

Today I am skipping Not Me Monday! because I have something weighing on my heart.

I have mentioned guilt before in a previous post, but today I want to touch on this subject again.

Am I the only one who feels guilty for things that are completely out of my control? It’s strange to carry such a burden in my heart on something I didn’t do wrong, but feel so guilty about. My guilt is over the issue of a mother losing a child. I have read so many stories over the last few years of family’s losing their babies to terrible disease, miscarriages, infertility issues, and the list goes on and on.

I don’t know God’s complete plan of why I got pregnant. I don’t know why I was chosen out of all the mothers in the world to carry my precious Avery and have an uneventful pregnancy. But I was. I was given this path by God and I feel guilty.

I feel guilty because when I found out I was pregnant, I was disappointed. I wasn’t married, I wasn’t in love with the father, and in no way, shape, or form was I prepared for this new journey. I admit I often prayed God would “take care” of it, so I wouldn’t be faced with this.

Now, I wish I hadn’t thought those thoughts. How selfish of me to be so disappointed in such a miracle. How selfish of me to not be overjoyed by such a gift. A gift so many would give everything to have. A gift so many will never experience.

I look at my precious Avery now and I thank God every.single.day for this miracle. I try my hardest to not take one day for granted with Avery. He’s not my child, he’s God’s child and God makes no mistakes.

Although I try, I still feel guilty for my thoughts when I found out I was pregnant. I don’t know if they will ever go away, but I ask for forgiveness for them. I ask God to bless every mother and all those women who so desperately want to be mothers.



Does your child's toy box look like this...

And does your child have to do this to get it to close...

And does it still not close all the way when your child does this...

I think it's safe to say that we are overloaded with toys and need to do some major cleaning out!