someone slap this mama {really, do}

Am I really having conversations with my 4 year old about where babies come from? Did my child really tell me he needed me to hold his wee-wee while he peed? Did my child really stand in front of the cat, naked, and shake his booty and say, "look at my booty, look at my booty."

Somebody slap me, because these words did come out of my child's mouth and I'm mortified!

Avery was born via c-section, therefore I have a nice scar on my tummy. Anytime we've ever talked about him being in mama's tummy, he's always asked how he got out. I always told him he was cut out from mommy. It was left at that and I had not planned on addressing anything further than that until he was much older and we had that convo about the birds and the bees.You know the one? It's the same one you dreaded your parents talking to you about. But that's not how it went down this last time. Nope. He said, "I did'n comes out 'tween yo' legs, mama?" Holy Moly!!! I proceeded to pick my jaw up.off.the.floor the rest of the day. HELLO! How would he know about that? It's the playground...yup, that's where they all talk about being born between their mama's legs. NOT!

If that wasn't bad enough, he told me the other night he needed help going to the potty. I asked him why and was told he needed me to hold his wee-wee. Then he laughed. I, on the other hand, wasn't pleased one tinsy.winsy.little.bit. I scurried him off to his room to think about his language. He was ordered to never.ever.ever say that again. Who stole my sweet and innocent child???

My little stinker is also subjecting the cats to his shenanigans. He got out of the tub the other morning and ran across the house nakey. I found him in the living room with his booty in the cats face. He was shakin' that thing like he had rhythm or something. He was signing, "look at my booooooty, look at my booooooty." Oh geez! Am I in for it or what???

Somebody slap me and then tell me this isn't really happening!

Boys!