heartache at christmas

As I enter this Christmas season, my heart is full of joy. I have a new husband, two amazing children, and a family that would walk through fire for me. It's hard not to have a joyful heart during this time of year, but yet this time of year brings pain. I know many of you out there feel the pain too.

I love change. I love painting the walls or changing the pictures around, but I hate change that brings pain. I miss my family's Christmas traditions. I miss my Nanny & Pop and Grandmama & Granddaddy. And this year, I'm going to miss being in the house I grew up in and my parents being happily married. It's hard. These types of changes make my heart ache. And it makes me wish I could go back to the way things once were-when all my precious loved ones were alive, divorce wasn't a factor, and home was the place you grew up at.

As I was baking goodies over the weekend, I had my Pandora radio blasting Christmas tunes. The song "Grown-Up Christmas List" came on and tears began to stream down my face. It put into words the desires of my heart.

Although this time of year may bring sadness and grief, I challenge you to cling to the promises of God, and the Hope & Joy that we are given from Jesus Christ our Savior!

sana t'ause {a message from my angel}

My Wish

How is it that my baby boy turned 3 today? Goodness gracious I can't believe how the time has flown by. It seems like yesterday that he was just an itty-bitty-baby, but at the same time it seems like forever ago. It's funny how time works.

Here is a little flash back of the last three years:

A Diagnosis

Autism, Apraxia of Speech (CAS), therapy...all words I never thought would be associated with my child, but have crept into my life one step at a time. About a year ago, I thought Autism had been ruled out, maybe I just had it in my head that it had been, but as of Thursday of this week, in Avery's pediatricians opinion, he is mildly autistic. This diagnosis was followed by the speech therapist diagnosing him with Apraxia of Speech on Wednesday.

I am flooded with emotions right now. Not sure which path to turn to first. My mind is overwhelmed while my heart aches for Avery. No mother wants their child to struggle. My goal right now is to stay focused on the big picture; it's not the end of the world, it's not a death sentence. None of this means he won't function normally and grow up to be as bright and intelligent as any other child, it just means he'll have to work a little bit harder. Even though I can make myself look on the positive side, right now I'm coping with all of this. It's difficult to digest all of this information at once. I've had to make myself stop researching for a few days just to allow my mind time to grasp this new life.

I put together a video for you all and mostly for Avery. It is ironic that I was singing this song to him the other night and he wanted me to hold him tight. Normally, he doesn't like for me to sing, but now he request this song.

Here's my promise to you sweet Avery:

A Sledding We Will Go