into pieces

My heart was broken into a million pieces the other day.  Pieces that I will never be able to pick-up and repair.  Sometimes heartbreak is just that cruel.  It happened one morning a week or so ago.  I was on my way to take Avery to school and we were practicing saying different words.  I try to practice his speech with him on the way to school as he's the most alert and not overwhelmed with other things at the time.

After a few practice words, Avery stopped me.  He said, "Mama, why do I have to always practice my words?"  I knew immediately where this conversation was going.  I explained to him that sometimes people need a little extra help to make the words sound right.

Of course, that didn't satisfy his curiosity. He then said, "Mama, why don't the other kids in my class have to have speech, why just me?" 

My heart sank.  He's noticed.  He has figured out that he isn't like the other kids.  He has figured out that not all of the kids need speech.

Sweaty palms, hyperventilation, blurred vision all begin.   Where is the mama manual?  What do I say?

I don't know where the words came from, but they started. "Sweetie, some kids have a hard time making words, just like some kids have a hard time learning to ride a bike.  We're all different and we all have areas that we need help with."

Those words had to of come from above, because I just started talking and had no idea what I was saying.

The words worked.  Avery said, "Okay."

Wow.  That was surprising.  I'm not sure if it was the words that comforted him, or the fact that he's maturing and can see the differences in other children too, but he was okay with the answer.

Although the conversation didn't last long, my heart still broke.  Avery is picking up on his struggles.  As of right now, Avery hasn't said anything to me about kids making fun of his speech, and I pray to the Lord that it never happens, but I fear it might.  And if or when it does, my heart will break into pieces once again.

first day of pre-k

 

Pre-K

Age 5

2013

Wants to be a Coca-Cola truck drive and a farmer.

 

avery rides the school bus

After being highly disappointed yesterday that he wasn't able to ride the school bus to Mrs. Sharlee's house from school, Mr. Avery finally got to ride the bus today. Y'all, this child has been asking to ride a school bus for months now. Every time we'd see one, he'd asked to ride. When he found out he was going to start "big school", as he calls it, the first question was whether or not he was going to get to ride the bus. I'm so happy that his wish finally came true today.

 

 

first day

I dropped Avery off at school today.

It's was a strange feeling to drop him off at the same school I went to kindergarten and first grade at.

It still looks the same as I remember.

Everything miniatured sized.

Avery did well.

No tears.

A few looks of confusion, but all and all not bad.

I held up well too.

No tears from me either.

I'm happy for my baby.

I'm glad there is a great special needs school in our area.

Sweet, baby, boy is going to do miraculous things in his life.

I cannot wait to witness my baby accomplish so much.

He's an amazing little boy who has changed my life.

There is no greater gift than being his mama!

 

 

 

 

 

Back To School

I went today to Athens Tech. and they said I had been accepted back into college and that I would be getting Pell Grant and HOPE grant!!! So it's official...I am going back to school!

I keep smiling thinking about it. It makes me look back over the past year and a half and think of how everything in my life has changed and how far I have come as a person.

I went to ABAC (a college in Tifton) for 3 years. I wasn't the best student and because of some stupid choices I flunked out. My parents decided to they weren't going to pay for me to live in Tifton anymore and I was on my own. I got a good job working at a law firm and paid for everything myself. I learned so much and I learned the value of a dollar for the first time in my life. I got pregnant in this time period as well and had to grow up even more... and fast!

When I was about six months pregnant my mother and I were talking and I was telling her that I was proud of myself for being able to manage my job and all my expenses on my own the past year, but much to my surprise-she wasn't so impressed. She told me I hadn't done anything in a long time to make her proud. What a blow to the chest that was. Can you imagine how hard it is to hear your mother tell you there wasn't anything in a long time for her to say "I am proud of you!"

Well guess what...

I can't wait to show everybody who ever doubted me being able to be a single mom, work a full time job, and go to school that I CAN DO IT!!! No one is going to bring me down and I cannot wait to get my diploma and say I TOLD YOU I COULD!!!