living by faith

Living by Faith is sometimes easier said than done, or so I've found in my own life.  During the last few months, I've had to cling to Faith more than anything.  We all experience seasons in our lives that bring us to our knees.  I recently realized that I had not been turning straight to my Savior when life came slapping me in the face, I was turning to worry and fear--flight or fight mode.
 
Losing your job can make you feel worthless and incompetent.  I worried for weeks wondering how in the world my family was going to survive this time in our lives.  Then, a few weeks later, we had to make the decision to put our precious fur baby, Molly, down.  Talk about kicking someone when they are down--I was lost!  Our home seemed lonely without our Molly girl and our hearts absolutely broken. Trying to explain death to children is tough. Actually, trying to understand death at any age is difficult.

I took Avery to see a counselor the day after Molly died.  He kept asking why we couldn't dig her up from her grave.  He asked if he got sick, would he die too?  I had a hard time answering his questions because in reality, I was asking myself the same ones.  Sitting with Avery as this sweet and God sent lady talked to us, my heart was truly opened and my Faith changed.  Avery talked about how Molly still lived because she's with Jesus, and Jesus lives in his heart.  He talked about Heaven and how amazing it was.  He talked with such confidence in his Faith. I sat in amazement. If only we all had a child-like Faith.

From that day on, I have turned to Jesus more than ever.  My Faith has grown so much in these passing weeks. God has shown me that he's in control and he has our back.  He's given me peace, taught me patience, and provided for my family.  I don't know what this season means, or where it's going to lead me and my family, but I know that my Faith is in Him, and I know that He doesn't close doors, he opens them if you just have Faith!

Hebrews 11:1

 

patience and obedience

A lot has changed since my last blog update on January 12, 2015.  A.LOT! 

The kids are doing well.  We are all counting down the days until school is out, we recently rescued a new puppy, Josie, Chris is still trucking along at Coca-Cola, and me, I’m in a phase of life that requires much patience and obedience to God.  

This past February, I took a new job.  A job that I was hopeful for.  A job that I thought would be the answer to many prayers for my family.  Today, I sit from home, typing this blog, and am now unemployed.  The job didn’t work out.

My anxiety and depression took over me the last few weeks and I’m just now beginning to feel somewhat “normal” again.  Our lives have changed.  I have changed.  The word “normal” has changed.

We’ve had to cut back on everything we do.  Our house is a few degrees warmer to save on electricity.  Food is only bought when needed and on sale.  Meal plans, budgets, a whole lotta’ coupons, and many prayers are making our lives function right now.  I’ve been able to get a few odd jobs to help, but losing a yearly salary and a nice paycheck every month was something I certainly took for granted.

Looking for a new job stinks.  I hate interviews.  I get sweaty palmed, anxious, and I am an all-around nervous wreck for the 30-60 minutes I’m having to talk about myself.  Walking into the unemployment office and taking a seat also really stinks.  I never thought I would be in that line, but I am. 

Coming home after dropping Avery off at school seems weird to me.  I’ve been getting up and going to school or work for 20 something years.  It’s been hard to feel accomplished each day.  Some days it’s been hard to function at all. 

Changes require patience and obedience to God.  I’ve never been great with patience.  I’m a go-getter’ and I like to have a plan.  These changes weren’t in my plan.  This was not how it was supposed to be, but it is what it is.  God has never not provided for me, but as a human being, it’s so hard to let go and let God sometimes.  I’m trying.  I keep praying, I keep praising, and I keep believing.  I keep telling myself that this is just a bump in the road on the way to something greater and better.  I’m not going to lie, waiting on the better is hard work.  But, in all this messiness, I’m learning that we have it way better than we deserve and never realized it.  I’m learning money doesn’t buy happiness and that family and friends are what makes me happy.  I’m learning that patience and obedience were lacking in my life and I’m now leaning on them more than ever.  I’m learning that God still hasn’t let me down, and that he has provided me with a great support system to get through this.

It’s still not easy, I’m still trying to cope with the changes, and I’m still waiting to see where this road will lead.  But, I have faith (boy, oh, boy have I had to show faith!) and I have the promises of God to get my family and me through this time—it just requires patience and obedience.

Please be in prayer as my family and I navigate through these changes.

Also, I’ve been doing many updates on my monogram Facebook page, check it out: https://facebook.com/thesilverneedleshop

prayers and updates

Avery Update:
 
We've been seeing a neurologist since Avery's "episode" the other month. All of the sleep test went well and he does show mild sleep apnea. During our visits to the neurologist, they have consistently seen concerning patterns in his motor development skills. Basically, he's on a 3 year old level in his fine motor development. They (the neurologist and pediatrician) don't think there is concern for a brain tumor (although they do want to rule this out), but are concerned about a brain malformation (concentrating on the Cerebellum). We had the MRI done 2 weeks ago and only had a few minor hiccups with sedation. Because Avery has apnea, he had to be put under general anesthesia instead of the typical sedated MRI. Thanks to my amazing brother-in-law who works at CHOA and was able to get the anesthesia team to perform the procedure today instead of having to come back. 

The MRI showed no signs of a brain malformation on Avery's MRI. Praise Jesus. This doesn't give us any answers to why he's delayed, but it gives us peace in knowing that his little brain is well. With autism and apraxia of speech, we are often on a path of unknowns, but so are all of our lives. We will just keep going to therapy and working hard to overcome these obstacles and we will continue praising Jesus for Avery and all of the joy he brings. 

 
Prayer Request:

Friends, you all of been so diligent with your prayers for my family and I'm beyond grateful for every prayer. I come to you, once again, to ask for prayers. My dad will be starting a new chemotherapy treatment next week for his hepatitis C. I ask specifically for prayers that the side effects be minimal (as they tend to make him tremendously sick) and I ask that God will protect his body (specifically his liver) while these chemicals run through him. I also ask for prayers that this is the round of chemo that provides him with the cure that we have been desperately praying for. Dad is currently on a liver transplant list and we are praying that by eradicating this disease from his body, his liver may heal on its own, or at least give his new liver a better chance. Thank you all for supporting my family and for praying alongside us.


"God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction. Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherds crook makes me feel secure. You serve me a six course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I’m back home in the house of God for the rest of my life." -Psalm 23 (The Message)